This is my secret

I thought I was smart
So I tried to stop time

By spinning around,
at a little same spot

So I thought I was smart
Turned out I was not

Spinned too fast to a place of just space

Where I was everyone,
And everyone was me.

Happy and lonely both equally.

my brain feels like exploding again, brain blood and brain tissue everywhere in this room. Plus, not enough oxygen makes me mad.

I'd like to make myself believe that everything is going fine.

(:

Fuh. Fuh. Fuh.

Everything is. everything is. Except hawa demam.

...

visually bingit.

Senyum seindah suria.. membawa cahayaaaaa..... senyum lah dari hatiii duniaa mu berseriiiiiiiiiiii


senyum umpama titiann dalam kehidupannn.. kau tersenyumm.. ku tersenyummmmmm
(ada something tak kena ngn gambar ni)






(insert muka tenuk here)







Kemesraan menguntummmmm................ :D

Hot air balloon - Owl City

I thought I wouldn't fall for this. Like how I would never fall for Farmville.

But this is like a virus.. video by Strawburry17

Too good to ignore. Too annoying to forget.





ps- ok. baru dgr owl city. kenapa tak penah dgr before ni!! masih sempat.. masih sempat. before this year ends..

http://www.myspace.com/owlcity

very very very punctual

One sunny day an incident like this happened for no reason.

Someone said "I am a very very punctual person"

an anonymous philosopher kangkung membidas "You are either punctual or a liar.." .

"Bolehlaa be very punctual, if janji pukul 430, i'll be there at 425" The first person argued.

O oww...seems like that was the wrong button..

"Thats all BULLSHIT. if you come at 425, ur a LIAR. If you come at 435, ur a LIAR"

"Its all LIES!!!!!!! LIESSS!!!!!! Everyone is a fucking liarrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

The philosopher kangkung screamed so loud, the car exploded and disappeared.

Surprisingly, I am neither of them.
Hahahaha.

blackrose

Tak kisah la bila lahir, eventually akan ada gelombang kapak kejap dalam list lagu2 korang. Selalunya bila masuk asrama or during study, budak2 akan catchup balik lagu kapak zaman ntah mana hala tah.. walaupun dorang tak lahir lagi zaman tu. It fulfills the psychological need orang orang yang merintih kejiwangan. Anyways, lagu kapak terkapak yang mendapat award dari hawa, jatuh kepada lagu cinta abadi blackrose. Corniest cheesiest song ever made in the history of lagu lagu kapak semalaysia.

lagu ni ada semua kriteria utk menjadi lagu kapak berjaya.

1. merayu - lirik lagu yang merintih. Stripping off every piece of ego yang ada dalam lelaki. Most probably akan dinyanyikan oleh lelaki yang baru mengenal erti cinta. Baru becinta first time, terus jatuh and lemah. Dinyanyikan untuk perempuan yang dirasakannya "the one". Tapi sebab baru bercinta 1st time, lelaki ni kemungkinan besar, tidak berpijak pada bumi yang nyata. Tak kira lah, long distance yang tak logic, or darjat tak sama ( zaman skarang, maybe wavelength tak sama, values tak sama, money ke, tapi sebab becinta pejam mata dulu ). The dirty reality tak masuk dalam otak mamat ni lagi.. so die nyanyi lah lagu ni dengan penuh sayu. Biar, kena naik gunung berapi pastu dah smpai atas mati pun takpe. Anything, demi pompuan tu. Suitable utk 'the one' yang agak kurang realistik.

2. sengau - semua lagu kapak kebanyakan sengau. Lagu cinta abadi tidak terkecuali. dinyanyikan oleh lelaki melayu muda yang baru baligh 2-3 tahun. selalunya kurus. Halkumnya bagaikan boleh dicabut. Kesengauan dibuat utk memberikan effect reverb natural dalam peti suara. Cara yang bagus utk mendapatkan suara yang sedap. Sambil memberikan effect2 dramatis dalam lagu, kerana penyampaian yang merayu.. Muka mamat ni pun agak2 macam hati kering, tapi menitik jugakla air mata jantan sambil peluk bantal lepas habis lagu ni. Bukan menangis sebab apa pun, sebab rindu dan sayang yang teramat2.

3. progression lagu melayu tipikal - standard lagu melayu. 1 saat dah cukup utk mengconfirm kan ni lagu melayu kapak. ok correction, not because die tipikal, tapi sebab dia pioneer.. uuuu...

4. baju- leather tights and rambut panjang ketak. tapi video ni video karoke jee...

Yay. jom gelak kat lagu2 yang hawa dgr. tengok kat last.fm box hawa yang bawah kanan ni...
haha.. last song dgr, lagu dangdut memori daun pisang. tak hip langsung. har har har. tu pun zaman bile tah......


(ni nama nya.. posting drafts banyak2)

ikan ikan hensem

Self awareness....

hawa nye self awareness, im not too sure. Seriously no idea how people really think of me.
Kadang2 perasan sangat, kadang lowest self esteem ever. So basically, xde idea sangat. I think this will come with maturity, slowly lah im getting there. Nak jadi confident in a good way.

Everytime tengok video of myself, i dont really like it. So maybe tu, petunjuk that im not there where im comfortable with myself yet. Ntah..

Some people sngt lah sedar of how they want to be perceived by society. Mcam stengah orang, they want to be seen, as humble and low profile. So orang2 mcm ni cuba utk tanak blagak.. cakap politely and merendah diri.

But when self awareness tak berapa ada, the outcome they want, sometimes x menjadi..

"saya ni tak sberapa lah sbenarnya, study kat us je... saya ada ni je.. tu jee... dan this and that JE"

which last2 bunyi dia mcam belagak. padahal motif asal nak merendah diri.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

on another note, hawa penah blajar pasal self awareness ikan..
sebagai seekor ikan yang lahir2... dorang takde idea rupa diri dia sendiri macamana...
sebab ikan punya mata dekat tepi kepala pastu ikan takde tangan n kaki so die mmg tanampak la die sndiri tu apa sbenarnya.

Tapi sebagai seekor ikan, dia tau la die ikan...
cuma, dia takkan tahu.. how attractive diri dia sendiri unless dia mencuba nasib dengan mengorat ikan lain.

Die akan tahu kedudukan kehenseman die sendiri, through rejection.
Sebab ikan2 jantan akan cuba mengorat ikan paling lawa skali dalam group dulu..pastu mencuba nasib.. lama2 through rejection dan acceptance. dia tau la dia nye kedudukan dlm tangga masyarakat ikan kat mana.

Mcam humans jugak la kan. Tapi manusia ada cermin. so cerita nya lain sedikit.



ps- i noticed, hawa dah naik sronok membebel. if bosan please tell ok. :)

problems.

I've made a small new resolution.
If I can make people happy with a small amount of effort, I would do that.
If I don't have enough money for a homeless person, I'd give them a smile instead.

We all know, malaysians are kiasu.. its something that is predetermined in our blood of asians.
I can understand it if the basis of kiasuness, is because of money, pangkat or something along that line. Because there's something to compete for. Yeah, so fine in these cases there is an aim, to win and not lose.

What is so wrong about being a shithead kiasu, is you want, and you feel happy when other people lose. This is the bit that I don't get. Why do you want other people to lose, even if she/he is in a totally different game. Why are you putting so much effort being such a kepoci and penyebok kepala bapak, when that amount of effort is best used for real things to make you really happy. Just let a healthy competition go on. The effort of doing something that useless, is in fact duh useless.

This is about another thing I've observed. Its about how malaysians treat the homeless or people who beg for money. So basically, ada 2 options, either you give money to the person or you don't give anything. But bila tak bagi duit... people are afraid of the eye contact. Sboleh2 takleh buat eye contact. Even parents teach this to their children, when they pass a homeless guy. Saying 'jangan pandang, jangan pandang'. and sometimes, you could see people change lanes when they see a homeless so they dont have to give anything.. I dont think this is right.

This taught me 2 things,

1. I will smile and be friendly whenever I can
2. unfortunate people deserve an acknowledgment, even if you dont have money to give, and hence i will smile.


which led me thinking about some other things. haha. bare with my pembebelan. you can stop reading here if you want.

1. why do we run away from fucking problems that you think you'll end up giving up on.
kalau tak paham, i'll use the org mintak sedekah analogy. Kenapa kita takut nak face (look into mata org minta sedekah tu) problem, sebab kita takut kita kesian sangat pastu kena bagi duit dngan rasa terpaksa.

another example analogy,
there is this girl, who's very afraid that she'd let go her iman. so she dropped evolution class.

The similarity between the 2 anologies ialah..

1. running away from a problem,
2. because you know (or afraid) you'll fall for it if you face it.

isnt that so wrong?????!!!! yee wronggg kannnn. kan kan.

fuh.

Irrawaddy dolphin

The Irrawaddy dolphin. Comelnya. Baru tahu dia wujud. Cute spasm kejap.

via telegraph uk

experience and life

Yet again i cried. I have only one life to live, and only my story to experience.

how does it feel like being born into a filthy rich family?
how does it feel like being poor?
how does it feel like being super famous?
how does it feel like being born with a disability?
how does it feel like growing up in a place that I have no idea of like being a kid in North Korea?
how does it feel like being someone else?
how does it feel like being you?

Asking how, is actually pointless.

What is for sure, I will never be able to experience another life than this.

Love Hate metre. Extreme yang membahayakan.

WOW. i finally got it.

Suka sesangat and benci sesangat sebenarnya2.... adalah entiti yang sama. I figured it out, during a cherry and berry session (if you know what i mean). Ok, so sbenarnya2 dua2 ni aim dan tujuannya sama, iaitu kearah keconfusan...... Cuma pathway dia sahaja yang berlainan..

Kalau kita suka sesangat, dia akan go through path suka> sukaaaa> suka sesangat>confuse

Kalau benci sesangat, dia go through path benci>benciiiiiiiiii>benci sesangat>confuse

so, bila smpai tahap confuse, slowly perasaan akan pegi ke equilibrium iaitu dekat bahagian normal, takde perasaan, indifference.

Suka apa or benci apa? can be anything... mawi ke sitinurhaliza ke ex boyfriend, tv series, ehem2 hawa ke... or makanan ke mcm durian blacan.. dan memacam lagi.....

So, stelah mendapat epiphany pasal teori ni, i came out with a love hate meter. Kalau tengok movie donny darko, ada Love and Fear metre. Hanya Donny Darko je yang prasan flaws meter ni. Tapi masalahnya, Donny didnt solve it. Disinilah hawa datang.. menyelamatkan dunia. Hahahahaha....

by hawayou

Kuasa2 nature akan menarik kearah keconfusan sebab tu adalah puncak kestabilan. Macam kalau campak guli dalam mangkuk, last2 dia akan ketengah jua. Tapi analogy yang ni tak tepat snagat, sebab actually kebencian dan kesukaan boleh begerak dan pusing...

So ni adalah reason, kenapa kita takleh berperasaan terlalu extreme terhadap sesuatu, sebab beberapa pixel sahaja dr love hate meter bahagian extreme, you'll reach the other side.

Pastu selalunya... SELALUNYA.... kalau perasaan tu dah melintasi line of confusion dan pergi ke perasaan yang sederhana (bahagian kuning = equilibrium). Dia takkan berpatah balik kepada perasaan yg di begin with dulu tu. Ha Ha Ha Ha... Sape makan cili pedas lah besok pagi nya...

Lesson, jangan berperasaan begitu extreme, bahaya. Bahaya if ending dia bukan yang kita mahu. Tapi kalau tak kisah, dah dah paham pattern ni... go ahead.

Boleh apply dekat orang becinta, ber BFF yang annoying ohmaigat, kepada hoby, minat kat penyanyi or genre lagu ke ape2 ke...

If you master the pattern, boleh control action kita menjadi lebih cool bebanding orang lain. pastu kalau kita go against meter ni.. orang lain akan. OH wow.. dia ni bukan manusia tipikal. wow cool nya minah/mamat ni..

Sekian utk sesi merepek bersama hawayou. Oh yeah.

kakak ku pulang dari kota

balik2..

hon kereta kancil kena modify jadi hon lori.

kereta kecil warna merah.. bunyi POONNNNN PONNNNN.. kalah lori.

rasa lawak sangat smpai kuar air mata. kereta kodok tak sedar diri.

semua keje farid anak si seman.

satu juta pants

Change of plan. When I reach home, i'm not going out for 2 weeks. The sun wont see me.
Anti-solarium. Anti-social. Anti-establishment.